Sometimes......

You just plain screw up. Nobody's perfect least of all me.  A new path holds missteps for the most careful. I make no excuses only sincere apologies that my ill thought actions have caused pain.
On bended knee,
Silver

just a picture

A woman stands at one end of a fencing corridor, the other end is curtained in shadow. If she squints she can just see the outline of what might be chair. That chair marks the end point of her trial. The only thing separating her from that chair is the line of sabers laid end to end across the floor. The moonlight spills into the dark room causing the swords on the floor to gleam softly. As she walks towards the blades she makes herself walk with the deliberate care that one would normally see in someone who knew they were more than a little drunk even though she is stone sober. Her eyes lock and what might be a chair as she places her bare foot on the cold steel of the first blade she near looks away. Even as her feet slip and she stumbles across the shap blades heedless of the tiny nicks in her skin. . As she steps off the last blade she stumbles in front of the chair and strong arms and a kind face reach for her before she falls. "It's ok. you're safe. I'm here."
( a picture that popped in my head but i think is speaks loud enough)
On bended knee,
Silver

rain

April is a month of rain, water,new life, and new starts.Hope is the quicksilver flash of rain in the sky.hope is hard to hang on to, as slippery as rain running through your fingers.hope make itself known in the oddest places, oddest ways.  sometimes hope is not what it first appears to be but if you wait long enough you will see.  Somebody once told me the most important people in your life are often the ones you never expected to meet.the person you literally run into walking around the corner of the building.



or in my case the man who robbed me of the ability to spell coherently merely because He was trying to tell me thank you for being helpful.rarely have I ever had to make myself stay in one spot.looking back, I find it funny that I reminded myself of a skittish horse.

I eventually lost my fear of Him and in  place of the fear is now hope.hope that I can rise out of the wreck that has become my life and start again on my own terms.  For the first time in a while I wake in the morning happy, because even if it sucks right now, it won't forever.there is light at the end of the tunnel if I can make it to the end.  This time I will make it.
On bended knee,
Silver

thinking...

when I was  11 years old one of the best people in the world died.  He was 24 and had  fought childhood leukemia for half of his life.  Last year it occurred to me that this year I would officially outlive him.  At the time it was a scary proposition because I didn't know what might happen in the next several years, it should be noted that I still do not know what's going to happen but I have support now where before I felt scared for the most part  alone. I no longer fear the next 25 years because it's hard to fear something when you have the kind of  caring that is in my life now. granted a lot people would not understand it but that's okay they don't have to its  my life  and no one is to answer for it but me.the only way I could have disappointed my friend is to give up on myself.  Because  of Master's strength and caring don't  have to be afraid.  I know he cares for me and that is all I need from this world.  With that I can do anything .  I am through giving up on myself.
On bended knee,
Silvwe